i am getting fat ... *sigh*

well, the verdict is in. i am now a very unhealthy human being.

back in high schoool, when i was at the top of my dance competition career and eating nothing but nutritional food and running 8 gazillion times a week, i looked good. i couldn't help it, i just did. it's hard to not look good when you exercise so much and are a health nut.

i don't know what happened to me.

i looked in the mirror before i got in the shower the other day and burst out laughing. man, i look so bad. i mean, clothes cover it up where others can't necessarily tell, but neked .... ooh boy it was painful to look at!

i don't know what happened to me. i just lost it. i stopped making an effort to remain healthy and look good. but rather than get depressed about it, i'm going to CHANGE it!!!

when i moved to florida for a semeter, i was no longer teaching dance twice a week or practicing at home, so that cut my exercise down. i still tried to run a couple times a week, but since i worked crazy odd hours (aaaand lived in orlando, where there's tons of stuff to do ... aaaand went to the beach every chance i got ... aaaand was always doing stuff with friends ...) that didn't leave a whole lot of time to burn those extra calories.

my roommate and i tried to cook healthy, and we actually did pretty well, but i just love food so gosh darn much! and i continued to eat as much as i always have, even though i was exercising less. it was not a good combination ... and left a very nasty result!

but, as i said, i am not going to sit back and just be upset about the change in my appearance. no, siree! i am determined to look better by the end of Febuary.

luckily, i'm not too far gone yet. i think i'm still salvagable. if i just eat right and start exercising again, i should be okay. since starting to teach dance again, and now three times a week, that takes care of a big portion of the exercise! and since i'm so busy and always on the run, i am going to start packing healthier snack and on-the-go meal options. that's not too hard!!

to me, it's never been an issue of WEIGHT. i've never been one to weigh to myself. i can't even remember the last time i checked my weight at home. the only time i think i've ever been weighed is at the doctor, and i don't even go there often if i can help it. i just base if i need to change off of the way i feel and the way i look. and occasionally how my clothes are fitting. if i am uncomfortable, i figure it's time to change.

it's worked for me so far, because i think of it as a lifestyle. so if i decide i need to "lose weight", to me it's really about changing the way i live. it's my life, and i've only got one of 'em, so i need to take care!! i've also never done a "diet". sure, i HAVE a diet, everyone does, it just describes what you eat. but to me, food is to be enjoyed and savored, not counted and tallied and prohibited. (disclaimer: i'm not saying diets are not good. i know a lot of people use them, and they work for a lot of people. i'm just not one of them. i enjoy me some food waaaay too much for that.)

anyway ... i'm going to make a lifestyle change. whew, it feels good to write that down. i usually do better when i have things written down, it's more concrete that way.

i'll keep you updated on how things go ........