teeny

sometimes i feel so small. so tiny. sometimes that's good. sometimes not.

i feel small when i think about how huge God is. He is everything and i am nothing. i am miniscule compared to Him. yet i know He still loves me and holds me in His Hand.

i feel small when i think about my life. how unimportant it all is. i feel like i am not making a difference in anybody's life. what i am doing does not have much importance in the big scheme of things. sometimes i get jealous of keaton. i know being in the army will not be an easy job, but at least it is IMPORTANT. at least he will be making a difference for many many lives, for entire countires!!

i feel small when i am on an airplane. i look down and see teeny tiny headlights and imagine teeny tiny people driving and walking along their teeny tiny stretch of land we call cities, hurrying to their next teeny tiny task or job, and i feel so stupid. everyday i get up and get into my "big" truck and head to do all my "important" stuff. but when i am on an airplane i am reminded how small everything "big" in my life truly is.

i feel small when my hand is in keaton's. i feel so dainty. he has big hands, man hands, and mine are so tiny. i feel so safe when he has my hands in his. like he is protecting me, protecting my fragile self from whatever may come.

i feel small at Christmastime. i have a large, loud family and when we are all together things get a little crazy. last year, i stopped during all the chaos for a moment, just to think. and i realized how small i am. everybody was talking at once, there was commotion all over the house, and i thought to myself "i am so small".

but i love my small life. truly i do. sometimes i wish i did have more "important" tasks on my daily plate. but i absolutely love waking up every morning with my tiny, mundane tasks ahead of me. i love going through my lists every day and checking off all my tiny things. it gives me a purpose.

and, like i said, at least i know God has got me in His hand. and that is HUGE.